Posts Tagged ‘mind’

An ambiguous title, I agree!! But it was infact, A Crack that inspired me to crack open the mystery of my mind and take a crack at unravelling what turbulence lay beneath the presumably calm and quiet disposition that I portray despite being perturbed to the very core.

Last night, I was deranged to the point of being depressed and anxious. There might have been many factors attributing to that state of mind. I know I had read something that left a deep impact, an indelible imprint on my mind, may be it were the events, the people around, the presence or absence of some, the sudden realisation of a loss, a mental check and balance of life’s wear and tear.

As long as there is life, there’ll be no shortage of reasons. Whatever it was, it threw me off balance. I had a restless night, a cranky morning and because I had to drive around 300kms, a very tiring journey.

I was exhausted by the way my mind kept churning out thoughts after thoughts, some complete others partial & half-formed, with no seemingly set pattern or precedent attached to them. There was a stretch of road on my way where I drove at about a 140kms/hour, all the while thinking, what if I ram this car into an oncoming vehicle and summarily dismissing the insane idea. That’s how irrelevant things got.

But, you see, the human mind is a tricky thing. It is as layered as it is complex. It poses questions which might not have simple solutions or may be they do but are hard for us to see & fathom. At times, our mind provides resolutions when least expected. I have increasingly come to relate the inner design of my mind to the intricate interlacing of ribs in a spider’s web. I love the term mental cobwebs when used for my confused state of mind. Nevertheless, it would be negative of me to call it a cobweb because while the latter are deserted, dust-laden, abandoned structures, the former serves a tangible purpose of feeding the Creator. Both have an innate beauty. Both, works of art! One has life the other has outlived its life’s aim.

Coming back to my muddled thoughts and the sudden stroke of inspiration or light it received. While driving at this outrageous speed, a small pebble flew and hit my car’s windshield leaving a miniscule yet discernible CRACK on it. The tracery or the form that emerged right before my eyes had so much visual conformity with the spiral, orb- like way a spider spins its web or to be precise the plight my mind was in, at that particular moment, that instantly all my attention converged onto it. It was like a giant jigsaw, with all its pieces finally falling into place.

Straightaway, I mellowed down. Something had clicked into place like the right key for the lock. I was perceptibly more relaxed, pacified & at peace. I could finally, comprehend & make sense of my disquiet and conceive a way out. The cloud had cleared, rightaway. The spectre of doom that so overshadowed my reason, had lifted. I realised the fallacy of my conduct & thoughts.

I realised that life is for the living and that it will go on whether the people you love or choose to be with, stay or not. It will not stop even if there are errors in your judgement. You will continue to breath, in failure or success, alike.

Crumbling in the face of disagreements, inconveniences, losses or discomforts is easy. What is tough, is holding on, being courageous and letting go!! What is commendable is making something of yourself against all odds, controlling your mind & heart, not the other way round!!

Contemplating is wise & logical. Overthinking and suffering due to that, isn’t. ‘What ifs’ bring nothing but chaos. Whatever happens, happens for the best. I know it is a cliché but there is always something better, hidden in the ways of the universe. Losing hope and sanity is not an option. Last but not the least, ACCEPTANCE is the way to go. Once we accept things as they are, there is a lot less pain, a lot less expectation and a lot more forgiveness.

It was Rumi who said, “A wound is the place the light enters you.”

Leonard Cohen developed it into an anthem that goes like this~

The birds, they sang at the break of day
I heard them say – Don’t dwell on what has passed away
Or what is yet to be
Ah, the wars they will be fought again
The holy dove, she will be caught again
Bought and sold and bought again
The dove is never free
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

We asked for signs, the signs were sent
The birth betrayed, the marriage spent
Yeah, the widowhood of every government
Signs for all to see
I can’t run no more with that lawless crowd
While the killers in high places say their prayers out loud
But they’ve summoned, they’ve summoned up a thundercloud
And they’re going to hear from me
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

You can add up the parts, you won’t have the sum
You can strike up the march, there is no drum
Every heart, every heart to love will come But like a refugee
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That’s how the light gets in
That’s how the light gets in

That’s how the light gets in.

Not for everyone, Small Town Living. 

Not for everyone, the Fetters of Conservatism.

Not for everyone, the Maxims of Society.

Not for everyone, the Inhibitions of Gender.  

If you happen to dwell in small town India, you would agree that lives here are lived more out of duty & honor of the family rather than for Self. Nothing wrong with keeping family first or adhering to the norms laid by them but it cannot be the end all and be all for an individual. We were born as an individual soul and it is our foremost duty to make sure that our soul is growing , that it is happy and healthy. Unfortunately, inevitably, we succumb to the wishes and diktats of the family or society and largely curb the small indulgences that our Self seeks. 

We may find comfort & fulfillment in travel, books, connecting with people, writing, music, love, friendship- all of which are designed as choices an individual can make. But as engulfed in the guidelines of age old conservatism as we are, we unavoidably think – what would people think if we make any of the above individual choices. Will we be acceptable to the society? What will our parents feel? Is going against the tide worth all that dissension? Are we the only people around, who are compromising on our dreams and happiness? If others can give up on small pleasures of the soul like these, why can’t we conform too? Are girls even supposed to think so freely? Do girls not owe it to their parents to abide by the code laid down for their own safety and virtue? 

We forget that this life here, that we have been endowed with, is precious. We cannot and should not go through it denying ourselves gratification in order to appease others. People have different sets of rules for themselves and for others. Whatever we might do, not everyone would be happy. So why not make the Self happy? No one is squeaky clean. A close friend recently explained to me the fact that,  the cleaner people look the more dirt they’ve swept under the rug. Why, then, should we pay any heed to their counsel and deny ourselves lifestyle choices that may lead to satisfaction and delight for Self?

Take that trip that you have been yearning for, read-write-create if that is your poison, sing-play-enjoy any music that ups your spirit, opt for a job that gives wings to your imagination- something that inspires you to get up every morning and go to work, meet people, make friends, fall in love. Never apologise for the choices you make. Let go of the constant conscience pangs and guilt trips. We are not here to please others. We are here to live our lives as best as we can. Yes, we are responsible to the people who love us or those we love- our parents, children, friends, spouses. But none of them is entitled to use that love as a leash to keep us chained & bolted. The biggest debt we owe is to ourselves. 

What is the worst that can happen if we follow our hearts? We may not succeed at a job or in a relationship but atleast we would have the satisfaction that we tried. We gave ourselves a chance to be what we envisioned. There will be lessons along the way but good or bad, they will be the ones we are ready for, because they would be in direct consequence of the path we took of our own volition. We would learn to gather our pieces and move forward instead of trying to place the blame on the very people whose love tethers us to an unremarkable routine life. 

It all starts with the Mind. If we can train our minds to let go of the guilt that our choices ineluctably bring, then, gradually, we will be successful in Unshackling the ties that bind us to the mundane. We can, then, prevail and give meaning to our tales. We are not born to breathe, adapt and die. We are all stories in the making. Let’s put our hearts into the making of our very own blockbuster.