Posts Tagged ‘#Connections’


Posted: August 26, 2019 in Life as I see it...
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When I was a kid I used to find it funny when, at family gatherings to celebrate the birth of a child, all adults would gush to the beaming parents that the child takes after one or both of them. ‘He has the exact same nose’, ‘she smiles just like you’, ‘look at the forehead, she takes after her grandpa’, on and on the comparisons went and it was funny to me because a new born looked more like a Primate than a person to me.

As I grew up a little, I realised that babies and puppies are mostly always cute, no offence. Now, where, I could pick up and cuddle a puppy, I couldn’t do the same with babies. So, ofcourse, I loved puppies more it seemed.

My younger sister is about five years my junior and it would have been quite logical to develop those feelings of affinity and love when she was born but I was a jealous little prick back then and the only thing that her birth could mean to me was that my father’s attention would be shared now.

So my maternal instincts did not come to the fore until my most loved nephew was born in 2001. By then, I had been in the teaching line for a couple of years and, even then, I wasn’t comfortable surrounded by the kindergarten lot. I just couldn’t handle the tiny humans. I could relate to kids only after a certain age when they could hold their own in a conversation and understand the flow of words.

With age, I have learnt to portray an acceptable level of tolerance for the kids in the family but I still can connect with just three of them- my nephews and an extremely bright niece, who is just seven but seems to be 17 when she argues. These three, too, are more my friends than kids. They call me by my name as I have taught them to and interact with me as if I am a year or two younger than them.

Some would say that this, lack of motherly traits, is what has kept me away from ‘holy matrimony’ and the kids that follow but I just don’t care what people say and how they react to this. Having said that, the truth is that I did not get married and I don’t have kids of my own.

I wish I could say that it has been a loss, only if to appease the majority. But I don’t see it that way. I don’t feel a void in this case because of these three and an extremely important connection with someone who calls me Maa. The four of them have tethered my heart to their own and are my anchors, my reasons to live and carry on despite the struggles. They represent Hope to me. If there is genuine happiness in the world, I get it from this foursome and if there is a selfless bone in my body, I have it for these four children.

A friend of mine keeps quoting a punjabi saying “Apne hi baal te apniyaan hi maawaan” which, loosely translated, means that only the kids, you have given birth to, are your own and that one can neither become a mother to someone who isn’t her flesh and blood, nor can a child be as attached to someone who isn’t his or her biological mother.

I have always differed to agree on this. I don’t know what the future has in store for me. Sayings become popular for a reason. It is possible that at some point in their lives these four precious parts of my heart would choose something or someone I would not be susceptible or predisposed to. But I am prepared for that. After all, it is their life and after a certain point they are entitled to take decisions for their own good. These choices may or may not be acceptable to all the people in their lives. That in no way means that they would love me less. It would only mean that, with me, they would have the liberty to choose what their hearts really want.

I have no idea what good parenting is. I used to feel that having a kid means to have a person who is completely yours for life, someone who is one hundred percent yours and yours alone because you have given life to that being. But it doesn’t happen that way with your biological progeny too. What I have learnt is to control myself from holding them back. My heart bleeds when I see my children going down a path that would bring them grief but I have learned from my own life that no amount of convincing and cajoling would deter them from a chosen path just because a parent’s wisdom says so. Hence, it is judicious to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Lessons thus learnt would stay with them longer.

And years later, may be or may be not, some casual observer would say, look at them, they take after you in all but looks. Wouldn’t that be the happiest day of my life?

Human relationships are so weird. Rarely, are people satisfied with their lot in life. We have a mental checklist of what would appeal to us and what will fulfill us. More often than not, we don’t actually find what we are looking for, in a friend or a partner. And sometimes, just sometimes, it all falls into our lap even when we are not actively looking for it.

As a free-thinking and independent woman, what I want in a relationship are deep set values, compatibility, my kind of humour, resourcefulness and a charm that would bind me, would make me feel ‘that special flutter’ within. Good looks are objective.

I have often come across the question of love at first sight and I have constantly believed that it doesn’t happen. You cannot love a person just because he or she is easy on your eyes. Love might not happen that way but connections do happen.

Sometimes there is a certain energy between two people that binds them even at first sight. Try as we might, we cannot stay away from such cosmic energy. There is a reason why people come into our lives. They might not tick all our boxes but with such people we need no further reason to stay. We don’t even have to try very hard. It just falls into place. Effortlessly. That’s how great Friendships are forged. There is no rationality to it. Rationality in the eyes of the society, I mean. People ask questions that go from ‘how can you trust someone in such short a period?’ to ‘will it not create an imbalance in your already existing relationships?’ Some even feel that just because one has been friends with someone for a longer period of time, one has to prioritize them. But human relationships do not grow like that. Certain things are just unexplained.

I have a couple of unexplained relationships in my life. Whatever these two people might do, I can’t stay upset with them for long. I love them both, deeply, in their own unique ways. One is like a progeny to me another a very good friend and interestingly both these connections happened at our very first meetings. There were no denials or dilly-dallying about the nature of our relationship. What these two give me is a feeling of contentment without any hassles. There are no major differences of opinions. Both these men listen to what I have to say and reserve their judgements. They give me space to think, act and have my own opinion on things. Interestingly, both have a very wide world view. They never categorise life and its decisions into just right or wrong. What may be wrong for you, might make all the sense to someone else, is their mantra. I have seen them apply it in their lives and stay happy with the decisions and choices they make. This ability inspires me. It is rare to find even one such connection in life and I have been blessed with two.

May they always stay the same, wherever they go. May they always keep touching lives like they have touched mine. Exceptional people that they are, may they continue to find peace and contentment in the years to come.

I know neither of them would read it, nonetheless, this piece. They already know how I feel about them and they won’t need words to validate it.